The Once And Smurfy King/Part 5

Sophia was interrupted from her writing when Empath passed by her while walking near the forest. "Salutations, my little Sophia," he greeted. "This smurf can sense that you're busy writing a fictional account of historical events."

"Oh, hello there, Uncle Empath," Sophia greeted back. "I guess that I can't hide anything from you, can I?"

Empath laughed. "Don't worry, Sophia, your secret is safe with this smurf. This smurf is only concerned because there was some rumors of a break-in to your house last night. This smurf wants to make sure that everything is all right with you."

"Me? Well, everything was well taken smurf of, Uncle Empath," Sophia said. "There was nothing of importance that anybody smurfed while I was sleeping."

"This smurf can understand how important your work must be to your friends, Sophia, if it has anything to do with actual events that happened in the Smurf Village," Empath said. "What this smurf is trying to understand is why you're even writing this work in the first place."

Sophia looked uncomfortable trying to answer. "I feel ashamed of what my Papa Smurf became back before you smurfed home for good, Uncle Empath...that he could be the worst Smurf that would ever be the king of the Smurfs."

"There's nothing wrong with how you feel about your Papa Smurf, Sophia," Empath said. "Trying to come to terms with the unsavory parts of your parents' past is something you'll have to face sooner or later, and something you'll have to make peace with your parents about."

"But were there any other Smurfs that were bad leaders just like my Papa Smurf was?" Sophia asked.

"As a matter of fact, your Uncle Greedy was the leader of the village when he was under the influence of the Crown Of The Titans, Sophia," Empath replied. "Granted, he used its power to hypnotize all but a few of the Smurfs into doing his bidding, but if it weren't for the few who escaped the crown's power and went to seek out the other crown to use it against Greedy, your parents would never have met."

"But that was with a magical crown that Greedy smurfed control over the entire village," Sophia said. "My Papa Smurf smurfed control just by his own power alone, and it surprises me on how he was able to smurf it just by being himself."

"This smurf was admittedly surprised to hear it coming from Brainy himself when this smurf came home for good, Sophia," Empath said. "Fortunately, his reign as king only lasted a single day, as your Grandpa Smurf's journey to get the wrinkleroot only lasted that long so he could return and put a stop to your Papa Smurf's reign before the dam collapsed."

"So do you think that I shouldn't be smurfing this story about the Smurf that I think became King Smurf back in those days?" Sophia asked.

"There's nothing wrong with writing a fictional story about the past, Sophia, just as long as you and the readers know that it is fictional and not reality," Empath answered. "This smurf will make sure that nobody else bothers you about the story until it is time for you to publish it."

Sophia smiled. "Thanks, Uncle Empath...I knew that you would understand," she said, giving him a hug before he walked off and left her alone. - At the point where Sophia continued her writing, Anonymous brought Hefty and his guards into the throne room for a severe reprimand. "You bunch of incompetent smurf-for-nothings!" he shouted. "I have given you three days to smurf me back those rebels! Now where are they? WHERE?!?"

Hefty felt a lump in his throat as he didn't know how to answer his king. "Well, uh...you see...we don't have enough Smurfs to smurf the job. The forest is rather big and..."

"Enough! Dismissed!" Anonymous commanded.

After the guards left, Smurfette came in to talk to the king. "Oh, your Majesty, what smurfs to be the trouble with you today?" she asked, sounding concerned.

"It's the guards, Smurfette," Anonymous replied. "I have smurfed them three days to find the rebels and they have smurfed up with nothing. And the thing is, Hefty is right...I need to smurf a massive expedition to smurf out into the forest to find them. The question is, how do I get the other Smurfs to cooperate?"

"I think the ones who want to smurf out into the forest to find the rebels deserve to smurf a medal, don't you agree?" Smurfette said, trying to act persuasive.

"Smurf a medal," Anonymous said as he thought over the matter in his own mind. "I don't see how it could hurt to smurf the morale of those who wish to smurf loyal to me if I smurf them a token of my personal esteem."

"Maybe once we capture the rebels, we could smurf something personal together, just you and me alone in this beautiful castle," Smurfette said.

Anonymous liked the idea of Smurfette being his personal consort even more. "I'll let you know once we achieve our goal, Smurfette. For now, though, I have a decree to write and smurf in place as soon as possible."

"I'll be waiting for you, your Highness," Smurfette said as she watched Anonymous head to his private chambers. - Soon with the decree written, Harmony made it publicly known to all the Smurfs in the village. "This is a public notice to all the Smurfs: disruptive elements have to come to smurf disorder in the village. Therefore the Most High Lord Smurf the First has decided to smurf on a punitive expedition into the forest in order to smurf out where the rebels may be smurfing. Those who wish to smurf this expedition may smurf many benefits, such as: double rations of sarsaparilla, rest days, citations from the Lord Smurf the First,..."

The Smurfs who gathered around to hear the decree reacted with total disinterest and started to walk away.

Harmony continued. "...and also they will be decorated with a special gold medal of the Order Of The Most High Lord Smurf The First with a red ribbon."

The mention of the medal caught every Smurf's attention. Quickly they all gathered together at the door of the meeting house, which has been turned into a recruitment bureau for those who wish to be part of the expedition. Soon, Anonymous could see that there was a great turnout of Smurfs as they bore the medal that would signify that they were now loyal to him and that they would do whatever he would say.

With the great expedition at his disposal, Anonymous proudly led the Smurfs out into the forest to find the rebels. - Unknown to Lord Smurf the First or anyone else in the village, Smurfette had already sent word to the rebels by having a bird carry the message of the king's proclamation to them in their secret base. Duncan assigned a few Smurfs to be on the lookout for the expedition should it make its way into the forest sometime soon.

Zipper served as one of the lookouts who, on the day that Anonymous led the expedition out into the forest, spotted them and listened carefully to what the king had to say. "You're all going to smurf the entire forest until you smurf the rebel camp. You will smurf out in single file, twenty smurfs apart from each other. The first one who smurfs a sign of the rebels or the camp will smurf like an owl. Any questions?" After a moment of silence where no Smurf among the group said anything, the king continued, "Good, then let's get smurfing!"

"Ay carumba! I've got to warn the others!" Zipper said, as he quickly raced down the tree that he was doing his lookout duty from and headed straight back for the camp without anybody noticing him.

As the Smurfs in the expedition started to spread out from each other, Culinary was busy talking to one of his fellow Smurfs about a recipe. "...and then you smurf it for ten minutes in moderate heart after you smurf on some smurfed hazelnuts."

"Mmm, sounds smurfy," his fellow Smurf said, licking his lips.

"Quiet," Hefty commanded. And then he found Lazy resting in a secluded spot. "That's how you're going to smurf for the camp?"

"Hey, why not?" Lazy said. "It's much better than actually smurfing."

"Oh no, you don't," Hefty said, flipping Lazy up on his feet and poking him in the behind with his halberd. "You're going to smurf it like everyone else, or you'll smurf a permanent rest!"

Soon Anonymous heard what he thought was the signal, which meant that one of the Smurfs in his group had found the rebel base. He quickly ran to where the signal was coming from, only to find that it was two Smurfs alone with each other, with one Smurf just testing out what the sound of an owl was supposed to be like.

"No, no, no, Crazy Smurf, that's not how an owl sounds," his fellow Smurf said. "An owl's cry is more muted and deeper. Listen..."

"Smurf your voices down, you idiots!" Anonymous shouted. "You're only supposed to smurf like an owl when you smurf the camp!"

Then came what appeared to be the sound of an owl again. Anonymous ran straight for where he heard the sound was coming from, with the two Smurfs following. "No, that doesn't sound like an owl either," one of the two Smurfs said. "It's too muted and too deep."

They soon came to the sound's origin point, but Anonymous was furious to find that it was only the sound of one of his Smurfs who got his foot pounded on by the mallet of another Smurf. This was starting to drive him crazy.

Then came what appeared to be the sound of an owl for the third time. Anonymous and four of his Smurfs chased after that sound, with one Smurf commenting, "Now that is truly the sound of an owl. Can anyone notice the difference?"

Anonymous arrived at the sound's origin and looked around, but couldn't see a Smurf or even the rebel base anywhere. Then he heard the sound coming from above, so he looked and saw that it was actually an owl hooting. This made Anonymous so upset that he just stamped his feet in frustration and cried.

"Well, I have to admit that it was a smurfy imitation," one of the Smurfs said as they heard the owl hooting.

"Lord Smurf the First...look!" another Smurf said as he directed their attention to a sign he just spotted, which read THE REBEL CAMP IS NOT THAT WAY and pointed in a specific direction.

"Ah-ha!" Anonymous said, sounding like his search is now finally getting somewhere. "It's an old stupid trick, that they're trying to keep us from smurfing their camp. Quick, Smurfs, follow me!"

The king and his Smurfs followed in the direction the sign was pointing in. They soon came across another sign that pointed them in a new direction, saying SMURF BACK BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

"We must be smurfing on the right path, I can feel it," Anonymous said as they headed off in the new direction.

Soon another sign appeared that pointed in yet another direction, saying NO, YOU'RE GOING DOWN THE WRONG SMURF.

Anonymous ignored the warning and headed in the direction the sign was pointing in. "How naive," he sneered. "The rebels must think we're complete idiots."

Then came another sign, which read WARNING! WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LOOK UP!

Anonymous ignored the warning of that sign and looked up, as did the Smurfs following him. "Oh, and why not?" he asked.

Soon he and his group of Smurfs ran off a ledge and fell straight into a pond, where they saw another sign posted, reading WE WARNED YOU! HA HA HA!

"Oooh, those rebel Smurfs," Anonymous growled as he cursed them under his breath. - Meanwhile, one of the Smurfs in the expedition was navigating through a thicket of dense trees in order to find the rebel camp until finally he saw it straight ahead. He headed back to warn three of his fellow Smurfs about it, and they headed straight in the direction of the camp.

One of the rebel Smurfs who was on lookout duty noticed the four Smurfs from the expedition coming. "Alert! Lord Smurf the Worst's Smurfs are smurfing this way!" he called out.

The Smurfs at the camp armed themselves with wooden sticks, ready to deal with the intruders, when suddenly they noticed that those Smurfs had stripped off their medals upon approaching.

"Hey! We're smurfing on your side!" one of the Smurfs said.

"Vive le resistance!" another of the Smurfs said.

The Smurfs armed with sticks dropped their sticks and greeted their new compatriots with hugs. - Sometime later, the expedition rejoined together to give an update on what had happened. They noticed that one of the Smurf guards had apparently fallen for one of rebels' tricks, namely Jokey's surprises.

"Nothing, your Royal Smurfiness," Tracker reported. "We smurfed high and low, and yet we smurfed no sign of the camp."

"Then we need to smurf our tactics," Anonymous said. "Smurf out and smurf a rebel, then capture him. With any luck, he will smurf us where the rebel camp is."

As the expedition split up again, Hefty muttered to himself, "Hmmm...capture a rebel...easier smurfed than done. There's got to be a way that I can smurf a rebel out of hiding."

Then he heard two Smurfs from the expedition talking to each other. "How can you smurf which Smurf is a rebel?" one of the two Smurfs asked.

"It's simple...they don't smurf medals," the other Smurf replied.

"Hey...now that smurfs me an idea," Hefty said. He decided to strip himself of his medal and hide that and his halberd behind a bush. Then he took a bluebell and powdered its dust upon his arms to hide the tattoo marks. Seeing that there was no trace of the tattoos that would indicate that he was Hefty Smurf, he just walked out and whistled the Smurf song, pretending that he was a rebel. "The first rebel that I smurf across, I'll just smurf him good," he thought to himself.

But then suddenly, three Smurfs from the expedition jumped out at him from the bushes they were hiding in. "We smurfed you now!" they said as they grabbed him.

"Hey, what are you smurfs doing?" Hefty said as he struggled to break free of the Smurfs that captured him. "Unsmurf me, you idiots. I'm the captain of the guard."

"Hefty Smurf is the captain of the guard," one of the three Smurfs said.

"I am Hefty Smurf, you clods," Hefty replied very angrily.

"Oh yeah? Then prove it!" a second Smurf challenged.

Hefty clobbered all three of the Smurfs, though in the process, his tattoos were revealed. He stormed away, looking very upset at the stupid mistake his fellow Smurfs made.

"I guess he must be Hefty Smurf after all," a third Smurf in the group muttered very weakly.

Meanwhile, Culinary decided that the best way to capture a rebel is through his stomach. He set a pot of sarsaparilla to boil on an open flame in the hopes that it would attract some hungry Smurf among the rebels. Once he got his trap set in place, Culinary decided to attract their attention.

"Ja, this pot of sarsaparilla is very good...mmm mmm," he said in a very loud voice as he went to hide himself in the bushes. "I'm going to smurf more wood for the fire."

He waited behind the bushes and listened carefully for any response. He soon heard the sounds of some Smurfs that were eating from his pot, realizing that they had taken the bait. But when Culinary came out of hiding, he was upset that it was only three of the Smurfs from the expedition that were doing the eating.

"My trap!" he shouted very angrily. "What are you Smurfs doing? That was meant for the rebels!' Stop that right now!" - Anonymous waited standing on a tree stump, hoping to receive word from his expedition group that they have been successful. "So, have you smurfed a rebel yet?" he asked a small group of Smurfs that were heading back toward him.

"Alas, no, Your Smurfulness," one of the Smurfs replied.

"Well, what are you smurfing around for?" Anonymous shouted. "Smurf some traps to smurf the rebels with!"

"That's a smurfy idea," another Smurf said. And immediately he went to work digging a hole in the ground with a shovel. He then covered up the hole with some grasses for camoflague. "There, the smurf is done," he said, pleased with his efforts. "Now all I need to smurf is to smurf behind some bushes and..."

But as he went to hide himself, he didn't see where he was going and ended up falling into a hole that another Smurf had made for a trap.

"My trap! What the smurf are you smurfing in my trap?" a Smurf hiding behind the bushes asked. He then came out of hiding and cried out, "Lord Smurf the First! Your Majesty! Some Smurf has smurfed off my trap!"

But then that Smurf ended up falling into a hole dug by yet another Smurf. "My trap!" that other Smurf shouted.

"What in smurf's name is going on? What's all this smurf?" Anonymous said to himself as he heard a Smurf shouting out his name. He ran in the direction of where he heard the shouting, but then he fell into a hole that another Smurf dug.

And so there were Smurfs in the expedition who fell into each other's traps, all dug by other Smurfs hoping to catch the rebels in them. All of the Smurfs caught in the traps were upset with the ones who dug them in the first place.

"Why don't you smurf where you're smurfing?"

"Oh, smurf it!"

"Okay, who's the son of a smurf who just smurfed a trap over here?"

"I've had it! I've just about had it!"

Anonymous was furious. "To prison! Smurf all the trap-smurfers to prison!" - By nightfall, after Anonymous had gotten himself out of the trap, he realized that a lot of time had passed and yet the expedition was now proving itself to be fruitless. "Smurf all our Smurfs together," he told Harmony. "We're resmurfing to the village."

Soon with the sound of the drum, the expedition had gathered itself together. Anonymous counted up all the heads of the Smurfs who were part of the expedition and noticed something was different. "What? Where's everybody?" he asked. "I could have smurfed that we smurfed off with more Smurfs."

"Uh...we're missing a dozen, your Grace," Tracker replied. "They may have been smurfed as prisoners by the rebels, or..."

"Or maybe they have smurfed their ranks," Anonymous said, swearing profanities at the very thought of that happening. "Oooh, let's smurf back home."

And so, smaller in number, the Smurfs that were part of the expedition have made their inglorious retreat. Meanwhile, the Smurfs at the rebel camp laughed as they saw from on high the Smurfs retreating, realizing that they have failed to find them.

"You think they'll be back out here to try finding us again, Dunk?" Tuffy asked.

"Who knows if they will?" Duncan answered. "Meanwhile, I can only hope more Smurfs would be wise to smurf against Lord Smurf the First before he smurfs something even more terrible as king."

"Poor Smurfette," Poet said. "I wouldn't want to be in her smurfs trying to pretend that she even likes the king while she's smurfing our side."

"Mon frere, I don't want to know what the two of them might be smurfing together behind closed smurfs," Painter said.

"She's a resourceful lassie, Painter," Duncan said. "If she knows how to keep the king from smurfing his way with her while trying to smurf out news of what he's smurfing, she'll have the king smurfing out of her hands."