The Great Book Of Answers (story)/Part 3

"And then came the day that all the Smurfs were waiting for...well, least of all, myself," Brainy said to Empath while feigning humility. "It was the day that the Smurfs started smurfing to the old tower to ask questions from the book, just as I had intended for them to smurf. Everything was smurfing so well from the start."

Empath watched as Lazy got out of bed, being awakened by his alarm clock, and got dressed so that he could get to the old tower early to have his question answered. His brother Dreamy went with him, hoping that they would both get their answers and return straight home. However, by the time they reached the old tower, both Lazy and Dreamy saw that there was already a long line forming.

"That's just smurfy," Lazy said, yawning. "Looks like we'll be smurfing here for a while."

"Mind if I ask what you're smurfing to the old tower to ask the book?" Dreamy asked.

"I was thinking of asking the book for a cure for insomnia," Lazy answered.

"You...are suffering from insomnia?!?" Dreamy said, not believing what he was hearing.

"No, but if it was to happen, it would be terrible," Lazy said. "Even the thought of smurfing insomnia gives me nightmares."

And so, with Dreamy's constant prodding, Lazy proceeded through the line as the Smurfs went in one by one for their consultations. There was a break as Clumsy announced that the book needed to rest, but Lazy didn't notice as he was constantly sleeping. Then it came his turn, and Clumsy led him inside.

"You can smurf up the stairs to see the Great Book Of Answers," Clumsy said, sounding like he was out of breath. Lazy saw that the stairs were long and winding, imagining how tired out he would be by the time he reached the room with the book. Nevertheless, he started to make his way up the stairs, with Clumsy following behind, trying to keep up as he had to walk up the same set of stairs over and over.

"Uh, Master Brainy...it's, uh, Lazy Smurf...," Clumsy announced as they got close to the loft.

"Smurf him in," Brainy said. And soon Lazy entered a room that was all lined in curtains, with the Great Book Of Answers sitting on a lectern. Next to it, sitting on a wooden throne, was Brainy, dressed in a purple scholar's gown and mortarboard.

"Hey, Brainy, what's with smurfing your pajamas?" Lazy asked with some amusement over Brainy's appearance. "And what's with the funny-smurfing hat?"

Brainy acted as if he had been insulted. "Well, it just so happens that these are the proper clothes of a refined and well-educated Smurf like myself, who's allowing you Smurfs to have access to such an incredible book of wisdom and knowledge. Besides, it does smurf rather drafty in the tower at night, and the hat does help to smurf the bugs out of my nose." He then opened the book to the front page and announced who he was. "You may ask the book your question now," he said, stepping aside to let Lazy have access.

A few minutes later, Lazy left the tower with his answer. "So did you smurf your answer?" Dreamy asked.

"I have my cure for insomnia," Lazy answered, showing Dreamy a note. "But between you and me, I think Brainy is starting to lose it."

"So what?" Dreamy said. "As long as he's letting us smurf the book..." - Empath seemed rather puzzled by what he has seen so far. "This smurf can see that your presentation was somewhat...ambitious, Brainy, but it also feels rather restrictive, that the Smurfs can't have easy and instant access to a book of incredible knowledge."

"I had to smurf up with a fair and equitable solution for everybody's use of the Great Book Of Answers, Empath," Brainy said. "We weren't blessed with the smurfnology that we have today of smurfing everything at our fingertips. Anyway, things seemed to be smurfing well in the village while the tower was in operation...at least that was my impression. The other Smurfs...well, their obsmurfations were totally different."

And as Empah watched, Nabby noticed that Greedy hadn't yet started dinner, for the village chef just came back with a new recipe. Handy told Farmer that he doesn't have time to sharpen his friend's scythe, for he is now going up to the tower. And another Smurf saw that Biscotti's bakery was closed because the village baker was now at the tower.

And then he saw Chatty passing by Nosey's house. "That solution to the unsmurfy mole holes in my lawn smurfed like a charm, Nosey," Chatty said. "I'm finally rid of the mole for good."

"Great, because I now have the mole smurfing holes in my lawn," Nosey said, rather irritated.

"That's not my problem," Chatty said, waving him off. "Go smurf the book for a solution." He then entered the front yard of his house and noticed Potter was digging a giant hole, leaving behind a big pile of dirt.

"Potter Smurf! Have you gone totally smurfy?" Chatty shouted.

"Not at all," Potter said calmly. "The book smurfed me the best place to smurf the best clay for my pottery, and it's right under your lawn!"

This made Chatty so angry, he pushed Potter with his buckets of clay out of his yard. "Loser! Go smurf your clay somewhere else!"

"Egoist!" Potter shouted back. "If you want a pot smurfed, don't come smurfing to me!"

Smurfette watched the whole argument going on from the safety of her own house. "Oh, dear," she sighed. "The two of them have to smurf on like little Smurfs." And then she heard clipping outside her house and was shocked to see that her rose bushes have all been clipped. She went outside to find out who was responsible.

"Vanity Smurf!" she shouted as she saw him clipping her roses. "What are you smurfing with my rose garden?"

"Let me explain, Smurfette," Vanity said calmly. "The book smurfed me a formula to remove the wrinkles around my eyes, and I need to smurf fresh roses in order for it to smurf. But don't worry about it...I promise that I'll smurf you some of the completed formula."

This made Smurfette so angry, she grabbed some rose stems and chased Vanity out of her garden with them. "Monster! Those were my roses! And I don't have wrinkles around my eyes!" she screamed as she constantly whipped Vanity with the stems.

Vanity yelped in pain as he got scratched up by the whipping of the thorns. "Oh, that stings!" he moaned as he looked at himself with the scratches.

"Go smurf a solution for that from the book!" Smurfette said before she stomped off after whipping Vanity.

Anonymous Smurf watched the whole scene from his house. "That smurf between Smurfette and Vanity smurfs really painful," he commented. And then he noticed something in the air. "What is that unsmurfy odor?" He followed the scent's trail until it led him to Painter's studio, where he heard the village artist singing the Smurf song while busy at work cooking something on a stove.

"Bonjour, M'sieu Anonymous," Painter greeted. "What smurfs you to my doorstep?"

"What is it that you're smurfing on the stove?" Anonymous asked.

"I call it 'Schtroumpf bleu peinture', which is what you call Smurf blue paint," Painter answered. "The book smurfed me a recipe for smurfing large quantities of this for my masterupiesas. Smurf at how parfait the tint is."

Anonymous held his nose as he looked at the brewing paint. "Yes, but it sburfs all over the beighborhood."

Painter snorted. "I'm sure that the scent is only temporaire." He then turned his attention entirely on his concoction.

Anonymous sighed as he left the studio. "Maybe the book will smurf me a good deodorizer." - Empath pondered at what he saw with the Smurfs in the village. "This smurf could see that the solutions the Smurfs were getting from the Great Book Of Answers were causing problems for other Smurfs."

"There were problems smurfing at the tower as well, Empath," Brainy said. "One of them was having to deal with Flighty Smurf."

As Empath watched, Clumsy emerged from the door of the tower. "You can smurf in for your consultation, Flighty Smurf," he said to the Smurf who was caught up in the distraction of looking at a butterfly. Then after a moment of no response, he shouted, "FLIGHTY!"

Flighty reacted as if somebody just touched him. "Oh, okay!" He went inside the tower and walked up the stairs to the loft, with Clumsy following behind him.

"Uh, Master Brainy...it's Flighty Smurf," Clumsy announced, again sounding out of breath.

"Smurf him in," Brainy responded. Soon Flighty was ushered in and Brainy allowed the Smurf to have access to the book.

"You may ask your question," the book said.

"Well, uh...I wanted to know...," Flighty stammered.

"You wanted to know what?" Brainy encouraged impatiently.

"Uh, just a minute...I forgot the question," Flighty mumbled. He then stared up at the ceiling, trying to remember what it is he wanted to ask, with Brainy tapping his foot.

"I am waiting for your question," the book said after about a minute.

"Clumsy, smurf him out of here," Brainy called out. "Let him smurf back when he's able to know what he wants to ask."

"Oh, smurf...I was just about to smurf up with the question," Flighty groaned as Clumsy escorted him out. He walked back to the village talking to himself until it dawned on him. "I was going to ask the book how I can improve my memory!"

The next Smurf who came for his consultation was Amore Smurf. "You can ask your question," the book said to Amore.

"Great Book Of Answers, I just want to know...," Amore started to ask, and then in a slightly muffled whisper, he continued, "...how I am able to smurf the heart of Smurfette."

Brainy overheard this question. "Ahem...I don't believe that that kind of question is appropriate!"

"The key to winning Smurfette's heart: see page 138," the book responded.

"Oh, don't be a smurf in the mud, Brainy," Amore said, pushing Brainy aside so that he could turn to the page and read the answer. "'To win Smurfette's heart, you must combine all the positive elements of your fellow Smurfs that Smurfette loves, while leaving out all their faults and yours.'" He went away from the book, feeling rather stunned. "That's going to take a lot of smurf to do."

"That should smurf you right, Amore," Brainy scolded. "You should never ask the book any questions about Smurfette." Then after Amore left, he looked out of the loft's window in contemplation. "For their sakes, I should smurf up a list of questions that they are never to ask the book about. Moreover, if Smurfette were to love somebody, then the obvious choice would be myself, for my unsmurfed wisdom and smurfless intelligence."

"Uh, Master Brainy," Clumsy called out as he entered the loft.

"What is it, Clumsy?" Brainy asked. "Have you smurfed the next Smurf in for his consultation?"

"Not yet, Brainy," Clumsy answered. "But I would like to ask the book a question of my own."

"You have a question to ask the book?" Brainy said, sounding slightly incredulous. "Well, just this once, I will let you ask."

Brainy turned the book to the front page and announced himself to the book. "You may ask your question," the book said.

"Uh, Great Book Of Answers," Clumsy said, "I'm getting rather tired of smurfing Smurfs up the stairs all the time. I wonder how I can smurf myself a break from smurfing all that."

"How Clumsy Smurf can be less tired: see Page 53," the book said.

Clumsy turned to the page and read aloud the answer. "'It would suffice that Brainy and Clumsy would switch their roles from time to time.'"

Brainy reacted in shock at first to the answer, and then his shock turned to laughter. "What a smurf of humor this book has," he said.

"But, Brainy, doesn't the Great Book Of Answers always smurf the right answer?" Clumsy asked.

"Of course it does, Clumsy," Brainy answered. "It's just smurfing your leg in order to relax. You know how tired the book smurfs from all the Smurfs asking their questions."

"I didn't know that a magic book like this needs to smurf jokes on anyone," Clumsy said.

"Look, Clumsy, I'll let you smurf in one more consultation, and then we will call it a day," Brainy said, escorting Clumsy to the stairs. "That way we can both relax."

Clumsy sounded rather disappointed. "Uh, okay, Master Brainy," he said as he headed back down the stairs. He opened the door and saw that it was Jokey. "You can smurf upstairs for your consultation, Jokey."

Jokey sounded amused. "Oh ho! The assistant is smurfing out of shape!" He proceeded up to the loft where Brainy greeted him with some suspicion.

"I hope that you smurfed here with a serious question in mind, Jokey Smurf," Brainy said.

"Obviously," Jokey said.

Brainy turned the book to the front page and announced himself. "You can ask your question," the book said.

"Smurf me, Great Book Of Answers, how can a Smurf be able to ask you a question without Brainy smurfing over them like a mother hen?" Jokey asked.

"TRAITOR! HOW DARE YOU!" Brainy shouted, slamming the book shut.

"Oh, lighten up, Brainy," Jokey said. "It was just a joke. I'll smurf a more serious question this time."

"Absosmurfly not," Brainy said. "Clumsy, get this Smurf out of here!"

Clumsy arrived to drag Jokey down the stairs and out the door. "This is a scandal! No Smurf is allowed to smurf any fun around here!"

"That was not funny!" Brainy retorted. "You are denied any more consultations until further notice."

Outside the tower, Jokey stormed away really mad. "How do you like that! I smurf a small joke on him...and he smurfs me from smurfing anymore consultations!" he spouted. "Who does that tyrant smurf he is?"

Some Smurfs still waiting in line overheard Jokey's comments. "Well, he didn't have to smurf his jokes to be so idiotic."

"At the very least, there's one less Smurf in line to worry about."

"Some Smurfs have nothing better to smurf than to waste time smurfing idiotic questions."

"Yeah, smurfing with you."

Then Clumsy appeared at the door. "Sorry, but the consultations are finished for today. Smurf back tomorrow."

"What?" one of the Smurfs ranted. "We've smurfed in line all this time, and for what?"

"This isn't fair!" another Smurf shouted.

"Excuse me, but you will smurf back tomorrow, and that is final," Brainy said sternly from the tower window. "And I will have to submit the question you have about fairness to the book, and you may not like the answer."

This made the Smurfs outside the tower walk back to the village, disappointed and upset. Empath could see that Brainy's possession of the book was starting to have a tyrannical grip over his fellow Smurfs.

They arrived in time to see Greedy having dinner ready. "What's for today's meal?" one of the Smurfs asked.

"Lentil soup," Greedy answered.

"AGAIN?" another Smurf said with great disappointment.

"It's one of the healthy meal recipes that the book has smurfed me," Greedy said.

Just then, Clumsy showed up in Greedy's kitchen. "I'm here to smurf Master Brainy's dinner, Greedy," he announced.

"I have his meal all ready for him, Clumsy...a light meal of a puff pastry with morels," Greedy said, placing the package in Clumsy's basket.

The Smurfs sat down in the dining hall with their meal as they watched Clumsy deliver Brainy's meal. "That's just smurfy," one of them said. "Brainy smurfs a puff pastry with morels, and we get stuck smurfing lentil soup."

"Shh, be quiet," another Smurf said. "Clumsy could overhear what you're smurfing and report this to Brainy."

A third Smurf smelled the soup and pushed the plate away from himself. "This soup smurfs rather strong."

"I hate rather strong soup," Grouchy said.