What It Should Never Be Used For

"What It Should Never Be Used For" is a mini-story that is part of the EMPATH: The Luckiest Smurf story series.

The Story
One day Empath was sitting in Tapper's Tavern, working on the daily crossword puzzle in the village newspaper, when he had something on his mind that he wanted to ask his friend. "Say, Tapper, have you ever personally visited a human village outside the Smurf Forest?" he asked.

"On a few occasions I have, my fellow Empath," Tapper answered. "Why do you ask?"

"This smurf was just wondering if you have ever visited a human tavern to see what goes on inside it so you could make comparisons between your establishment and theirs," Empath said.

"I could tell you that some of the taverns I have visited were a little on the unsmurfy side, as far as their activities smurf," Tapper said. "But there's one that I would never want this tavern to someday become, even if there were a hundred Smurfettes in the village."

"This smurf senses that the activity in that tavern went far beyond the standards that you would set for your own establishment, to put it mildly," Empath said.

Tapper grimaced at the thought of having to recall something he did not want to tell any Smurf, but felt he could trust Empath. "This so-called tavern that I visited was something that the humans would call a brothel," he said in a low voice. "The females there were...smurfing themselves to complete strangers and smurfing intimate pleasures that should only be smurfed in a lawful marriage."

"And naturally this sort of activity seemed very offending to you and what you believe in," Empath said, understanding what his friend meant.

"I felt very unclean from the things I have witnessed in that place, Empath," Tapper said. "Duncan was wondering why I smelled like I have smurfed too much soap sometime after I have smurfed back home. It was the most shameful thing that I have ever smurfed in my life."

"You don't believe humans should give themselves like that intimately to strangers like it was something to sell?" Empath asked.

"Absosmurfly not, my fellow Empath!" Tapper said. "It goes against what the Almighty has smurfed the blessing of intimate pleasure for, which is for the creation of families and the fidelity of both husband and wife to each other, to smurf what the true meaning of love is."

"But surely there must be some females who are not doing it because all they want is pleasure and business without any commitment of love," Empath said.

"I am very aware of that fact, Empath, for the Almighty has impressed upon my heart that these women need prayer for the lives that they will have to answer for," Tapper said. "It saddens me that a woman should ever think that sharing intimate pleasure with a man is all that she's good for, and that smurfing such a thing is the only way that they can smurf by in this life."

To be expanded on.