Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Narrator

Reporter: Another recent subject for my Inside Stories is a Smurf who is a great storyteller, but tends to smurf in and out of stories, making us wonder where he smurfs when we don't see him. He is the Smurf we all know as Narrator, whose apparent job in the village is to be the narrator of our adventures. In my interview with Duncan McSmurf, there is a mention that Narrator appeared in a totally different story that he claims may have been the cause of Hefty's general dislike for the Smurfsman in the green kilt. Let's see what he has to smurf on the subject.

(As if on cue, Narrator appears in the offices of the Smurf Village Voice.}

Narrator: Oh, hello there, Reporter. I hope that I was right on time.

Reporter: When are you never on time? It's like you're always there when anyone least expects it.

Narrator: Punctuality has always been my tradesmurf, Reporter. It's why I'm so good at my job as a narrator -- to be anywhere that a story needs a narration requires me to smurf to the right place at the right time. Then again, I always feel directed to smurf to the right place at the right time. It's not like I always have a choice of where I want to smurf or when.

Reporter: You always believe that somebody is smurfing everything that we say or do, Narrator?

Narrator: I may not be a religious Smurf like Tapper is, Reporter, but as one who knows that somebody is reading our adventures, there has to be somebody who's smurfing the course of our lives. It would be nice if everything was smurfing without somebody always having to smurf about it, but I think things would get rather dull if there was no direction, no purpose, nothing that would make our lives smurfwhile for anyone to smurf notice of. It could just be a simple segment of our lives here in the village that would make somebody laugh because we just tend to be amusing.

Reporter: Well, how do you manage to just smurf anywhere, even right out of the smurf?

Narrator: That's always the work of the writer, Reporter. He smurfs me to the place where I need to smurf, and I'm there. I don't even need to prepare myself, because the writer always smurfs me ready for the job. I could smurf like I've been smurfing too much sarsaparilla ale at Tapper's Tavern, and the next moment I would be clean, sober, and smurfing my best. Personally, I don't mind how I smurf when I'm smurfing my job, because I always feel that narration requires a bit of class, and I'm the kind of Smurf who likes the classy look.

Reporter: What if the writer wants to smurf you someplace that is dangerous...or say, someplace that Smurfs shouldn't normally go, like watching Smurfette smurf a shower?

Narrator: That's always an occupational hazard, and one that I hope doesn't occur often. As for appearing in Smurfette's bathroom...well, I would try to act like a gentlesmurf and make myself scarce as quickly as possible. It's not like Smurfette thinks that I would smurf such a thing on purpose.

Reporter: There's one Smurf who would wish he could smurf that, Narrator.

Narrator: Ah, yes, Sneaky Smurf. It seems that his obsession for smurfing Smurfette's female form unhindered by clothing is one problem we will all have to deal with, as we also have to deal with Nudie Smurf who wants to constantly express himself as one who doesn't need to smurf any clothing. As usual, we have censors at work so that the readers won't smurf things that would be inappropriate for the Smurf population to engage in for anyone else's amusement.

Reporter: So at least there's some good when it smurfs to knowing there's a writer behind all our adventures. Now there's been something smurfing on about you smurfing in other people's stories besides our own. Would you care to explain that?

Narrator: That's also part of my job as a narrator. Because I'm a character that somebody has smurfed up, I tend to smurf in places that are much different than this world that I was born in. In fact, my real point of origin happens to be in something called a movie, which was where I first smurfed my appearance. I was smurfing the introduction to the movie, and Clumsy was just smurfing by me riding on a cart and dragging along a ladder he had smurfed somewhere in his wanderings, and he was smurfing to an event called the Blue Moon Festival, which in the movie was very different from the one where we smurfed the sign in the sky that Baby Smurf would be smurfing our way a few years before Empath returned for good.

Reporter: This would happen to be the story that Duncan McSmurf's counterpart, this Gutsy Smurf, appeared in, if I'm correct, Narrator?

Narrator: That's very true, Reporter. According to what I have smurfed, Hefty Smurf was supposed to be one of the lead characters in the movie, as the Smurfs would travel through the portal that opened in the Forbidden Falls to this place called New York City, where they would smurf help from a couple of humans called the Winslows. I smurfed the feeling that most people were expecting that of Hefty because he tends to be very popular among the readers and watchers of Smurf adventures. However, Gutsy smurfed up appearing more often in the story than Hefty did, and I somehow sensed that Hefty in the story felt like he was shortsmurfed by the producers. I did what I could when I was smurfed behind with Hefty in that story to make him feel that he didn't just appear in the story for no reason at all.

Reporter: But you suspect that this version of Hefty got jealous of Gutsy, and that somehow made our Hefty treat Duncan with an unending case of abuse, like it was Duncan's fault.

Narrator: Honestly, it could be anything. But since Duncan became a character in our stories, it smurfs like Hefty has yet another rival besides Empath to deal with.

Reporter: It almost makes me feel sorry for Hefty, as if nobody wants to smurf about him anymore.

Narrator: That's always been the case when it comes to Smurf characters, Reporter. And that's mostly why the Smurfs appear in just a white hat and pants. It's an easy way for creators to hide their mistakes, and to have characters that appear only in one story before they get smurfed out, sometimes even for good.

Reporter: Wouldn't that creep you out, to find out that a Smurf you knew no longer existed just because of the writer?

Narrator: Again that's an occupational hazard we have to live with. I try not to smurf about it too much.

Reporter: Anyway, Narrator, what other jobs do you smurf besides being the narrator?

Narrator: Being the one who has a dramatic announcer's voice, Reporter, I like smurfing my hand as a sportscaster during various sporting events in the village. It's fun making everything sound very exciting, and the other Smurfs enjoy hearing me smurf the play-by-play regardless of the sport. I also do babysitting of Baby Smurf when no one else is available, which surprisingly doesn't happen very often because I love telling Baby Smurf everything that smurfs on in our stories.

Reporter: So what was it like to meet Empath for the first time like everybody else in the village about 82 years ago?

Narrator: Personally, it felt like I was destined to meet him, that I knew everything about his life that few others did. He was rather surprised to find out that I would smurf such intimate knowledge about him. But like my friend Tapper, I don't share what I know with any other Smurf unless it's something the writers want me to share, and I would still be hesitant to share it of my own free smurf. Anyway, I tried to help him get used to the Smurf way of living because I knew the writer wouldn't let Empath be smurfed in such a terrible place like Psychelia all his life.

Reporter: And I bet you also knew that he was going to meet Smurfette and fall in love with her, too?

Narrator: That was the writer's intention with him. And frankly, I could see that Empath and Smurfette are a smurfect pair together -- not that it doesn't make me jealous, because I happen to love Smurfette. But how can I be with Smurfette when I know that I could just smurf anywhere and leave her to smurf whatever the writer wants her to smurf? I don't want to hurt Smurfette like that.

Reporter: Do you think you would ever meet a female Smurf that's anything like you, Narrator?

Narrator: That's mostly up to the writer. My life is pretty much the tablet which he could smurf his pen upon, or whatever he smurfs for a tool, like a computer using Windows 7 as an operating system...and the writer just made me smurf that, by the way! I would like that someday me and my fellow Smurfs would find a village of female Smurfs that we could settle down with and smurf a whole new generation of Smurfs. But like all good stories, that will take time to happen, and we just have to be patient and see what the writer smurfs.

Reporter: I just hope it would be soon. Anyway, thanks for letting me smurf an interview with you.