These Smurfs Are Not Drunk, As You Suppose

"These Smurfs Are Not Drunk, As You Suppose" is a mini-story that is part of the EMPATH: The Luckiest Smurf story series.

The Story
One day about a year after the Smurfs have returned home from their time-traveling in The Lost Year, Empath noticed that two of his fellow Smurfs, Barber and Sweepy, were acting rather strangely. They seemed to be very wide-eyed and excitedly happy about something, as if they have taken an intoxicating substance, though Empath could not sense that their senses were affected in any way. Other than that, they both seem to be constantly speaking in some form of incoherent language that he had never heard either Smurf speak in before. Empath decided to visit Tapper in his tavern to find out what.

"Ah, smurf o' the morning to you, my fellow Empath," Tapper said, smiling as he was greeting his fellow Smurf. "What seems to be smurfing on your mind this very morning?"

"This smurf had just witnessed Barber and Sweepy speaking in a language that doesn't make any sense, and acting like they were on some form of stimulant, Tapper," Empath said. "This smurf could only guess that you had something to do with it."

"I only had a small hand to play with what happened to Barber and Sweepy, but it was all the work of the Almighty, who had just smurfed them with the baptism of the Holy Spirit," Tapper said.

"The baptism of the Holy Spirit?" Empath said. "That's what is causing them to speak in that incoherent language?"

"The language you're hearing them smurf in is called tongues, or more specifically the tongues of angels, my fellow Empath," Tapper said. "It's one of the blessings that the Lord said would smurf upon those who believe, that they would smurf in new tongues among other things."

"And this has also happened to the people that you read about in your holy book...the first disciples of the Almighty's Son?" Empath asked.

"Right from the day of Pentecost, when the Holy Spirit smurfed upon them in the upper room like cloven tongues of fire, they began to smurf in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance, Empath," Tapper said. "The Jews who were visiting Jerusalem at the time were amazed, because even though the disciples themselves did not understand what it was they were smurfing, the people who gathered around Jerusalem from all smurfs of the known world did, hearing the wonderful works of God being smurfed in their own languages. They were wondering what that had meant when some people in the crowd were mocking the disciples and saying that they must have been smurfed full of sweet wine."

"But the disciples were not really drunk, were they?" Empath asked.

"Of course not, Empath," Tapper said. "Peter stood up and smurfed to the crowd that these men were not drunk as the people had supposed, since it was still around 9 o'clock in the morning. He went on to say that this was the prophesied smurfing of the Holy Spirit on all flesh from the book of Joel, and then delivered such a powerful sermon about the Lord Jesus Christ being crucified in their city and then smurfed from the dead, that it had caused three thousand people to be saved just on that day alone."

"This smurf can understand the reaction of some of the people in the crowd if they had just heard people speaking so excitedly that it sounds like they were inebriated on something," Empath said.

"At the very least, Barber and Sweepy have somebody in the village who can understand what it's like to be baptized in the Holy Spirit, my fellow Empath," Tapper said. "The experience for me was...rather overpowering, to say the least. It was like being smurfed with such a potent substance that I couldn't fully contain what was being smurfed in me on the day that I experienced the baptism. And to find myself smurfing in a tongue that I was unable to smurf in before...it had left me for a total loss of words to describe."

"But Barber and Sweepy are not going to do something weird while they are filled with this Holy Spirit, are they?" Empath asked.

"They may prophesy if that's what the Lord wants them to smurf, but even if that's the case, Peter the apostle would later smurf in one of his epistles that believers are to be sober and vigilant, for their enemy the devil smurfs about like a roaring lion, seeking whomever he would devour," Tapper said. "I wouldn't worry too much about them, though...they have been smurfed in the Word of God enough to know what is proper spiritual behavior and what isn't."

"You sound as if you're eager for the whole village to experience the same kind of baptism for themselves, if they were to become believers, Tapper," Empath said.

"That is what I'm zealous for, my fellow Empath, as was Moses around the time when there were some people on which the Holy Spirit was smurfed when they prophesied," Tapper said. "We may still have to smurf through the valley of the shadow of death and carry our crosses through it, but there will still be a joy that can never be smurfed away, for as long as they know Whose rod and staff are their comfort, they shall fear no evil to come."