The Great Book Of Answers (story)/Part 4

"Eventually, by the time Papa Smurf came home from Homnibus, the Smurfs have become so dependent on the Great Book Of Answers that they smurfed nothing without smurfing to the tower to ask the book first," Brainy explained. "Of course, there were some Smurfs like Tapper who weren't so dependent on the book, but they hardly smurfed much influence over those that were. And those were the Smurfs that we should have listened to, because Baby Smurf got smurfed behind to smurf for himself, and Vanity and Smurfette would smurf inside their houses and not smurf themselves to anyone."

Empath watched as Papa Smurf arrived on Feathers at the north end clearing. He hopped off the crane, thanking Feathers for the ride home, and then proceeded toward the village center where his house was. "This flight has really smurfed me out," he said to himself. "I just hope things are smurfing well in the village while I was away."

And then he saw Chatty's front lawn had a big hole dug into it with a big pile of dirt next to it. "Chatty must have been smurfing his lawn like a maniac," he commented as he took a short look.

He continued to his house when he noticed that the door to his laboratory was left open. He went inside and saw that various potions from his shelves had been used, and that his laboratory looked even worse than it did when he had left. "I have a very bad feeling that Brainy is behind all this," he muttered to himself before he felt his stomach rumbling. "I'm going to find out what, but first I need to eat. I hope Greedy has something prepared."

But when Papa Smurf entered Greedy's kitchen, he saw that the village chef hadn't even bothered cleaning up from the last meal. Even the dining hall looked like it was left in a mess.

Papa Smurf decided to have a look around the village. Wherever he went, he saw that the village looked like everything was neglected, and there was hardly any Smurf to be seen. He began to wonder where all his Smurfs went when he saw one racing toward him. "Oh, Papa Smurf! You're back already!" that Smurf shouted.

"Yes, I am back," Papa Smurf said. "Tell me what's smurfing..."

"Can't smurf with you right now," that Smurf said as he rushed past Papa Smurf. "I've smurfed a solution that I have to try out!"

"Well, he's surely been acting rather smurfy today," Papa Smurf said before he continued looking around. He then approached Smurfette's house and noticed something strange about it. "Her rose garden...it's been smurfed clean of any blossoms!" Soon he heard weeping from her house. "SMURFETTE!"

"Papa Smurf?" Smurfette said, sounding like she's been sobbing. "Thank Smurfness you're here."

"What's smurfing on the village?" Papa Smurf asked. "Wait, I'll come in."

"I don't want to be smurfed, Papa Smurf," Smurfette said from inside her house. "I look horrible."

"Come on, Smurfette," Papa Smurf said gently. "Is it really that bad that you won't smurf me? Please open up."

Smurfette opened the door to allow Papa Smurf to come in. He noticed Smurfette's hair has become a darker shade of blonde. "Have you dyed your hair recently?" he asked.

"No, Papa Smurf," Smurfette sniffed. "I wanted my hair to be all silky and shiny, so I smurfed this lotion into it, and now my hair is all dark and dull, and it feels like an old broom on my head."

"Wait a minute...a lotion?" Papa Smurf asked. "What kind of lotion is this?"

"It's one that I smurfed from the Great Book Of Answers, Papa Smurf," Smurfette answered.

"THE GREAT BOOK OF ANSWERS? GREAT SMURFNESS!" Papa Smurf exclaimed. "WHO HAS THE BOOK?"

Smurfette looked down to the ground. "Brainy Smurf."

"ARRRRRHHHH," Papa Smurf growled, grabbing at his hat as if ready to tear it off his head. "I knew Brainy couldn't leave any of my things in the laboratory alone."

Just then, another Smurf showed up at Smurfette's door, wearing a shopping bag over his head with eyeholes cut out. "Papa Smurf?"

"AAAAAAH!" Papa Smurf yelled.

"It's me, Vanity Smurf," the Smurf with the shopping bag head said.

Papa Smurf felt his heart racing. "You nearly scared the smurf out of me! What's happened to you?"

"I wanted to smurf a fresh smurfy blue complexion, Papa Smurf," Vanity answered, "so I smurfed the Great Book Of Answers, and it smurfed me a formula for a face mask. Now I have a smurfy blue complexion, but I also have these terrible spots on my face."

"I hope you two Smurfs have learned by now how dangerous that book is," Papa Smurf scolded them. "While it does smurf answers, the one thing it never does is smurf the user of the book the consequences of following those answers. If everybody smurfed what the book had smurfed them, it will always smurf out wrong. I need to smurf that book out of Brainy's hands. Where is he?"

"He's at the old tower outside the village, Papa Smurf," Smurfette said.

"Where he smurfs his consultations," Vanity added.

"Consultations," Papa Smurf muttered as he stormed out of Smurfette's house. "This is smurfing too far! I'm going to be smurfing ears when I smurf my hands on him!"

The Smurfs who were already at the tower watched as Papa Smurf walked right past them. They could see that he was ready to explode.

Papa Smurf arrived at the door just as Clumsy opened it for the next Smurf's consultation. "I need you to smurf me to Brainy right now!" he ordered.

"Uh, I don't know if I could do that, Papa Smurf," Clumsy said. "It's not your turn."

"That's true, Papa Smurf," the Smurf behind him said. "You'll have to smurf in line."

"ME, SMURF IN LINE?" Papa Smurf shouted. "I'M YOUR PAPA SMURF, IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, AND I WILL SEE BRAINY RIGHT NOW!"

Brainy overheard Papa Smurf from the tower window. "Smurf him up here, Clumsy," he said. "I, Brainy Smurf, will receive him."

"Uh...right this way, Papa Smurf," Clumsy said, showing him the stairs. Papa Smurf walked quickly past Clumsy and rushed up the stairs, with Clumsy lagging behind, stumbling just to keep up with him.

Papa Smurf barely got a glimpse of the room he entered and Brainy's outfit. "Okay, Brainy, what's with all this smurfing on around here?" he demanded.

"Relax, Papa Smurf," Brainy said. "Here, have a seat." He showed Papa Smurf a stool he could sit on.

"I prefer to remain standing, Brainy," Papa Smurf said, not changing his tone. "Who gave you permission to smurf that book out of the cabinet?"

"I just smurfed that book by mistake when I was dusting your laboratory," Brainy said. "What I want to know is why you would smurf such a book of incredible wisdom and knowledge away from your little Smurfs, not to mention away from me of all Smurfs."

"BECAUSE THAT BOOK IS DANGEROUS!" Papa Smurf shouted. "It creates great disasters and causes discord!"

"Oh, Papa Smurf, you're exaggerating," Brainy said, trying to remain calm. "I know you fear that someday, after all those years, you will lose your great powers. But there's nothing to worry about. We will continue to respect you for your experience and your wisdom. But the Great Book of Answers has knowledge that must be shared with every Smurf, not hidden away and locked up."

"Enough smurfing, Brainy," Papa Smurf said in a forceful tone. "I'm smurfing the book back no matter what."

"Over my smurf you will!" Brainy shouted back, physically blocking Papa Smurf from getting his hands on the book. "Clumsy, please escort Papa Smurf out of this tower. This meeting is over."

"Fine, then, smurf it your way, Brainy," Papa Smurf said, heading for the stairs. "But don't ever smurf that you haven't been warned."

After he left the tower, he proceeded to talk to his other little Smurfs. "Listen well, every Smurf. Brainy Smurf is not being realistic. He does not see that the book that you're smurfing to get your answers from is very dangerous, because it never warns the user of the consequences. So I want you all to leave this tower immediately and smurf straight home. Brainy will see for himself that nobody is interested in what the book smurfs."

"But, Papa Smurf, we can't smurf that," one Smurf said.

"We have lots of questions that we need to ask the book about," another Smurf said.

"It's such a handy thing to smurf," a third Smurf said.

"Now that we have this book, we can't smurf without it," a fourth Smurf said.

Papa Smurf couldn't believe he was hearing this from his little Smurfs. "GREAT SMURFNESS! YOUR IGNORANCE DRIVES ME STARK-RAVING SMURFY!" he shouted, stamping his feet in anger. He then felt himself getting dizzy. "Oh...I don't smurf so good..." And then he passed out.

Brainy looked out the window when he heard the shouting, and saw that a few Smurfs had gathered around Papa Smurf. "What's smurfened to him?" he asked.

"He smurfed so upset with us that he just collapsed," one of the Smurfs said.

Brainy sighed. "I'll consult the book to see what we should smurf. Clumsy will smurf the answer to you."

"Smurf in there, Papa Smurf," a nearby Smurf said, holding the village leader's hand. "Help is smurfing on the way."

Then Clumsy arrived at the door, looking like he was ready to collapse. "Here...is the solution...from the book," he said, handing one of the Smurfs a note.

A Smurf brought a wheelbarrow over to Papa Smurf and gently placed him lying down on his back inside it. Then two Smurfs followed a third carting Papa Smurf back into the village toward his spare house. "I'm starting to smurf better already," Papa Smurf muttered as his eyes opened.

"No, Papa Smurf, you're very exhausted," the Smurf carting the wheelbarrow said. "You need to smurf it easy and rest."

"Really, I don't need a rest," Papa Smurf said as they carried him inside and placed him in bed. "It was only a faint."

"Just relax, Papa Smurf," another Smurf said. "We'll smurf care of things in the village while you rest."

Papa Smurf felt as if his throat was parched. "I need something to drink," he said.

"Here," a third Smurf said, producing a glass. "This smurfberry juice should help you out."

Papa Smurf drank all the contents of the glass. "This smurfberry juice has a rather funny smurf to it," he commented. And then he felt his eyelids getting heavy, and he was barely able to stay awake. Soon he was out like a light.

"The smurfberry juice has the cure for insomnia that Lazy Smurf smurfed from the book," the third Smurf whispered. "It's what the book says we should smurf." - "Great Ancestors," Empath exclaimed as he saw all this happening in Brainy's collected memories of events. "How could you let anything like this happen to Papa Smurf when he saw how dangerous the book was?"

"That's because I didn't see its danger yet, Empath," Brainy said. "I was so blinded and foolish to believe that the book was more powerful than Papa Smurf and that the book was always right. I really didn't want to smurf this to Papa Smurf, but what else was I going to smurf?"

Then Empath watched as Papa Smurf awakened and found himself inside his spare house, wondering what had happened. Then suddenly he remembered. "The Great Book Of Answers! Brainy Smurf! What a disaster! I need to go smurf something to eat to resmurf my strength."

Papa Smurf headed downstairs, but he couldn't open the door to leave the house. "In the name of Smurf!" he exclaimed. "Somebody's smurfed the door shut! I'm smurfed inside!" He opened the window nearest to the door. "Hey! If anyone can hear me, smurf me out of here!"

Just then, Smurfette and Vanity passed by outside the house. "Papa Smurf, are you feeling better?" Smurfette asked as she saw him through the window.

"Yes, I am, Smurfette, but now I'm hungry and the door has been smurfed shut," Papa Smurf said. "Help me to smurf out of here!"

"Uh...we don't have the key to your door, Papa Smurf," Vanity said.

"Then get Handy over here, or Hefty, who can smurf down this door," Papa Smurf said.

"Handy's at the old tower, Papa Smurf," Smurfette said, "and I don't know where Hefty..."

"I'm here, Papa Smurf," Hefty said as he was approaching. Smurfette and Vanity noticed that he was using crutches to get around.

"Great Smurfness, Hefty, what happened?" Smurfette asked, feeling her heart going out to him.

"It's this strength ointment from the book, Smurfette," Hefty said. "It's supposed to smurf me greater strength, but now I'm feeling pain everywhere. I can barely smurf a single step without feeling it."

Papa Smurf let out a heavy sigh. "Obviously another blunder from the book. Well, I'm not going to smurf inside this house as a prisoner forever." He dragged a chair over to the window and climbed through it feet first. Smurfette and Vanity could see that Papa Smurf needed help getting out the rest of the way, and so pulled on his feet until he popped straight out through the tight space.

"I'll smurf to the dining hall and eat whatever I can smurf," Papa Smurf said. Smurfette, Vanity, and Hefty followed him as he grabbed a small loaf of bread and a carrot to chew on in the dining hall.

"Hey, Papa Smurf is out of his house," one of the Smurfs from outside the dining hall noticed.

"The book says that he needs to rest," another Smurf said.

"And I'm telling you that I'm fine and that I'm only hungry," Papa Smurf came out to tell them.

"But Brainy says that the Great Book Of Answers is always right," a third Smurf said.

"Always right?" Hefty said. "Smurfette's hair is dull, Vanity's face now has spots, and I can barely smurf a step...and you want to smurf that it's always right?"

"You three just simply smurfed a mistake in the preparation, that's all," the third Smurf said.

"If you're too stupid to know how to smurf a recipe, that's your problem," Tuffy said.

"Too stupid?" Hefty ranted. "I'm still strong enough to smurf you a good smurf in the mouth!"

"Oh, yeah?" Tuffy countered. "Well, put your smurf where your mouth is!"

The two Smurfs were raising fists at each other when Papa Smurf said, "STOP IT! We're not going to fight over this! If you want to believe the book is always right, that's your smurfness. But I'm not going to smurf here and watch this...which is why I'm going to smurf myself at the base of Mount Smurf. If you Smurfs ever need me, you'll know where to find me."

Papa Smurf broke through the lock on the door of his spare house and packed up some things to take with him. "Papa Smurf, you're not seriously thinking of abandoning us," Smurfette said.

"I'm not abandoning you or any Smurf here, Smurfette," Papa Smurf said. "However, I cannot stay here if the others cannot be convinced that they are wrong. They must see this for themselves. Until they see clearly about what they're smurfing, I'll be smurfing up there in the mountains. I'll take care of whatever problems you may be smurfing from the book."

Smurfette, Vanity, and Hefty followed Papa Smurf from the village up to a cave at the base of Mount Smurf. It looked a little intimidating to Smurfette and Vanity with the bats, but Papa Smurf saw that he could be comfortable here.

"Can we stay with you, Papa Smurf?" Hefty asked.

"No, Hefty," Papa Smurf answered. "I need you, Smurfette, and Vanity to smurf in the village and keep me informed of what's smurfing on there. We will find a way to smurf everything back to order."

"Finally, I hope," Vanity said. "I hate the thought of having to keep my face smurfed in a smurfing bag."

"Here, Vanity," Smurfette said, sticking a flower on the right side of his shopping bag. "It isn't much, but this will make you look smurfier."

Vanity sighed. "I only wish I had my mirror, but there really isn't much for me to smurf anyway."