My Drunken Sweetheart (Hero Stories)

"My Drunken Sweetheart" is a mini-story that takes place in the HERO: The Guardian Smurf story series.

The Story
It was near the end of a busy day and Hero was heading to Nikolai's Bar for a drink. As he approached, Smurfette and Fergus came running out.

"Hero! Hero!" Smurfette called out.

"What's wrong, Smurfette?" Hero asked.

"I think Wonder's had a bit too much sarsaparilla ale," Smurfette said.

"Yeah! The lassie's smurfing on a table saying she'll smurf any Smurf," Fergus said.

Hero eyes widened, "Let's go," he said, as they went into the bar.

Once they were in, Hero saw Wonder was indeed drunk. She was dancing on a table in a rather erotic manner, with a mug of sarsaparilla ale in her hand, she was close to falling off the table and hurting herself.

"Does any Smurf want me to take my dress off?" Wonder said in a drunken tone.

Most of the Smurfs cheered in eagerness, as Wonder began to slip off her dress.

"Stop right there!" Hero said, stopping her from continuing, "I'm not allowing my wife to smurf herself in public for every Smurf to see."

He slowly helped her down from the table and sat her down on a chair, with the chorus of boo's coming from the other Smurfs. Wonder immediately fell asleep.

"Nikolai, can you smurf up some coffee?" Hero asked.

"Of course, I'll get right on it," Nikolai answered.

"Sometimes I wonder what is smurfing through their heads," Hero whispered to Smurfette and Fergus.

"I know, laddie, sometimes I'm sick to my stomach by what most of them ask of the two lassies," Fergus whispered.

"One time, Hefty actually smurfed to great lengths and grabbed my smurfs, Fergus," Smurfette whispered.

"I was with you when that smurfed, Smurfette," Hero whispered back.

"Did he really smurf that to you, lassie?" Fergus asked.

"He did indeed, Fergus, as soon as he smurfed it, I felt like smurfing him a piece of my mind," Smurfette whispered.

"But violence is never the answer, Smurfette, no matter how much he deserves it," Hero whispered.

Just then Nikolai came over with a cup of freshly made coffee.

"Here's your coffee," Nikolai said.

"Thank you, Nikolai," Hero said, "Wonder, Wonder, wake up." he said, slightly shaking her shoulder.

Wonder opened her eyes and looked up, "Is that you, Papa Smurf?" she asked in a drunken tone.

Hero held his nose, due to the intense smell of alcohol on her breath.

"No! It's Hero, It's time I smurfed you home to bed," He told her.

"I don't need my bed," Wonder said, "What I need is more sarsaparilla ale."

"You've already smurfed too much sarsaparilla ale, lassie," Fergus said, "It's about you smurfed home to bed."

"Like I smurfed before, I don't need my bed, I need more sarsaparilla ale," Wonder said in a drunken tone.

"Here, drink this," Hero said, before sitting down next to her.

"Is it sarsaparilla ale?" Wonder asked.

"Eh... yes, yes it is," Hero said, although he hated having to lie to his wife.

"Oh! Goody," Wonder said, before taking the cup and drinking the coffee in one go, before she quickly fell asleep again.

"I guess I'll smurf her home now, but she's going to be in a rough state in the morning," Hero said.

"I'll help you, Hero," Smurfette said.

"Much appreciated, Smurfette," Hero said, before they both lifted Wonder safely to her feet, put her arms over their shoulders and carried her off to Hero's house.

Once they arrived, they put Wonder to bed. She soon started snoring loudly.

"I don't know how you're going to sleep tonight, Hero," Smurfette said.

"Don't worry about me, Smurfette, I'll be fine," Hero said.

"If you want, you can stay over in my house until the morning," Smurfette said.

"Thank you, Smurfette, but I'm going to have to say no, but thank you nonetheless," Hero said.

Smurfette smiled before she left the house.

Hero could Wonder snoring even louder than before.

"I guess I have to ask Papa Smurf for a spell which will make me sleep much easier tonight," Hero said, before he left the house and headed for Papa Smurf's laboratory.

Trivia

 * This is the first time in the series where a Smurf is under the influence of alcohol.