Smurf o' the morning to you, lads and lasses. My name is Tapper Smurf. I am the Smurf Village bartender and also a Christian. I serve my fellow Smurfs sarsaparilla ale which I brew in my special dismurfery, using the finest sarsaparilla that could be smurfed in the Smurf Forest. I listen to my fellow Smurfs share what's on their mind with me and I smurf them good advice.
I'm not a psychic like my good friend Empath is. But I can smurf prophecies of things that have been smurfed to me by the Lord God Almighty himself. I don't claim to be a prophet like Isaiah, Jeremiah, or Ezekiel, let alone anyone who was smurfed a prophet in the Good Book. I just simply listen to what the Lord smurfs me on a daily basis, and sometimes I am commanded to share what I have been smurfed by the Spirit of God.
I was born mute, without a voice to smurf my first baby cry as a newborn. My Papa Smurf and Mama Smurf have smurfed me to the Emerald Isle where they had me smurf the legendary Blarney Stone. When I did, a miracle happened, and I was able to speak from that day on. I later learned that it was a miracle of God, not anything of the stone itself, that I was smurfed with a voice. Blessed with a voice like the saints of Eire, like my own Papa and Mama Smurf.
My parents were good parents. My Papa Smurf smurfed me everything I know about brewing and barsmurfing. My Mama Smurf smurfed me that I should always dress as a gentlesmurf. That's why you rarely smurf me without a vest or tie. I'm also very shy when it smurfs to smurfing the body that I was given by the Lord Himself, which is the other reason why.
Sadly I lost my parents to a disease that smurfed the adult Smurfs of that time, and when Papa Smurf smurfed in to become the village leader and father of us all, I just didn't have any faith. I ran away from the village, only to be smurfed after by a wolf, only to flee and then smurf into the river, where I would have been smurfed away to my doom if an angel had not rescued me. I was smurfed a copy of the Holy Scriptures, and reading that starting smurfing my life in a way I wouldn't have expected it to.
Since then I started smurfing my trust in this Almighty that I have heard of, as well as His only begotten Son who has died for my sins. And from that point on, my life has changed to the point where I wouldn't even have recognized myself from years ago.
Still I smurf a wee bit jealous whenever Empath smurfs home with us. I kept asking God, "Why have You not smurfed me like Empath? After all, he's the luckiest Smurf of all!" And the Lord finally answered me and said, "Because I made you for a specific purpose, for it is through your weakness that you will be made strong." I had no idea what the Almighty had smurfed, but I would find out on the day that smurfed at first to be like any other.
I smurfed this day just like any other. I smurfed up bright and early, I smurf my prayers to the Almighty, I smurfed myself clean and smurfed on my best clothes -- the usual barsmurfer uniform: my hat, waistcoat, tie, and pants. I smurf myself down into the tavern to smurf things ready for the coming day. I was ever the lad that enjoyed smurfing my day for others instead of just for myself. I could smurf the blessed saints of Eire smurfing down on me as I smurf through the rest of the day.
A knock smurfed on my door. It was Duncan McSmurf. He was smurfing a tray of croissants from Biscotti's bakery. My favorite! O bless his soul!
"Morning, laddie," Duncan McSmurf greeted. "I hope you can smurf enough time for a second breakfast with your favorite Smurfsman."
"Oh, you are a godsend!" I said, feeling like I wanted to drop to my knees and shout a hallelujah.
"Mind if you smurf me in before the bakemeats smurf cold out here?" Duncan asked politely.
"Oh, sorry!" I said, stepping aside. "You can smurf right in!"
"Thank you very much," Duncan said, walking over to a table to set down the tray of croissants. I went to smurf myself a cup of smurfberry tea and a tall mug of acorn brew for my friend Duncan.
And we smurfed together and smurfed all that was on our minds for the day. Nothing too exciting, it smurfed like an average day in the Smurf Village. It seemed...too quiet on this particular day.
"What's wrong, laddie?" Duncan asked, noticing the expression of my face.
I didn't know what to say. "Uh...it's nothing you need to be consmurfed about, Duncan. I'm sorry to have bothered you."
"No problem with me, laddie, you can smurf with me whatever's on your mind," Duncan said. "What they say, even a counselor needs a counselor."
"You're probably right, Duncan," I said, trying not to sound ungrateful. "I do appreciate the times when we can smurf with each other over drinks and sometimes with nothing at all."
"You certainly helped me in how to deal with Hefty Smurf, because without that I would be smurfing Hefty Smurf until kingdom smurf," Duncan said. "Won't that be smurfy?" He laughed at that.
"I pray that you would be gentle to Hefty Smurf, Duncan," I said. "Even if he does smurf you the wrong way, I don't sense that he smurfs this out of malice. I think that he's merely jealous of you."
"I'll be gentle when he stops smurfing me as Gutsy," Duncan said. "He knows that I don't like that name, and he knows what my proper name is by now."
"Just smurf your part to smurf at peace with your fellow brother Smurf, my friend," I said. "The Almighty will smurf peace in your heart so that you will know that you're being smurfed over like a mother hen smurfs her chicks."
"I don't know about the Almighty...but for you, my brother, I will smurf that," Duncan said resolutely.
After we smurfed our goodbyes, I resumed with my smurfing things ready until it was time for lunch. Before I left the tavern for the day, I smurfed a strong pull toward the Holy Book of the Almighty, so I smurfed back to the counter where I had left my Holy Book and smurfed it open.
I felt drawn to the story of Daniel in the den of lions. Instantly I could smurf myself being smurfed to the days of the Medo-Persian Empire, smurfing myself in front of King Darius, fearing a punishment.
"O King, live forever!" a few people said. "You said that whoever prays to any other being or god besides you for thirty days are to be cast into the den of lions! And it's part of the law of the Medes and Persians, is it not?"
"Yes, it is," the king said. "We all know that the laws of the Medes and Persians cannot change once a king establishes it."
"Well, we found this man praying to his God, which is not lawful for any man to do during these thirty days," the same few people said.
"And what do you expect me to do now?" the king asked, realizing that it was Daniel...or rather, myself in this scenario.
"You are to do your duty as king!" the few men shouted. "Send him to the lions!"
"No...it can't be...there must be some mistake...Daniel is a good man...he would never do that...I trust him," the king said, pacing around back and forth, unsure of what to do. He then turned to Tapper. "Tell me what they're saying isn't true."
"I cannot deny it, my lord, I have been praying to my God who smurfs in Jerusalem," I said.
A knocking on the door interrupted me. I closed the Holy Book and smurfed to the door. It was Empath. "Salutations, fellow Tapper," he greeted. "This smurf was concerned that you didn't show for lunch. Is everything all right with you?"
"Oh, yes, everything is wonderful, my fellow Empath, forgive me," I said, putting the Holy Book back on the counter as I headed out of the tavern and toward Greedy's kitchen, with Empath beside me.
I smurfed my daily meal at the dining commons as usual, but on that smurfticular day I just didn't feel hungry for food. There was something my soul needed that no amount of food could ever smurfify.
Empath noticed this about me. I can't hide anything from his abilities, but I don't sense any malice in his spirit when he smurfs that. Both of us are pretty much capable of smurfing each other.
Smurfette noticed it as well, though she doesn't smurf anything supernatural other than being into the world by Gargamel. "Is everything all right with you, Tapper?" Smurfette asked.
"Yes, I'm completely sorry for how I'm smurfing right now, my friends," I said. "It's just something from the Holy Book that the Almighty has resmurfed to me in a moment of time...a very brief moment, though to you it probably smurfed longer."
"You're usually prompt for lunch, Tapper, so this smurf is only concerned as a fellow Smurf and as a friend," Empath said. "We don't want you missing out on eating your meals or socializing with your fellow Smurfs."
"You don't have to worry about me, Empath...the Lord will smurfectly sustain me until it's time for me to eat," I said.
"That's your decision, Tapper, I won't smurf against that," Smurfette said. "Just be smurfful of what you're smurfing alone by yourself with that Almighty of yours."
"I appreciate your concern for me, my dear Smurfette, I really do," I said.
"Well, well, well, look at what we smurf here," Hefty said as he approached me smurfing with Empath and Smurfette. "I didn't know you were trying to smurf in with my girl, Tapper."
"I'm not 'your girl', Hefty!" Smurfette shot back. "I belong to the entire village. If anybody wants me, they can smurf me."
"You'll see that you belong to me, Smurfette, one of these days," Hefty said. "I would love to smurf the face of Empath when he smurfs me being married to you as my dear wife."
"You think you're going to accomplish smurfing Empath to be jealous of you, Hefty?" I asked.
"I know Empath is jealous of me, and it's not because of my good smurfs or even my awesome smurfsique!" Hefty said, flexing his muscles to show himself off.
"Nice try, Hefty, but you're not going to succeed," Smurfette said, smiling.
"Why do you think this smurf would be jealous of Smurfette giving herself to any one of my fellow Smurfs, including you of all Smurfs, which this smurf is surprised that she would turn down?" Empath asked.
"Because I know that's the truth of you, being the star-faced outsider Smurf who smurfed from Psychelia," Hefty answered, trying to sound all smug and convinced.
I laughed. So did Empath and Smurfette. Apparently we all smurfed the same funny thought in our heads about Hefty.
"Okay, you smurfs, what do you think is so funny?" Hefty demanded, sounding a little upset.
I had to collect myself before answering. "You think you really know Empath when he has smurfed less time in the village than all of us, Hefty," I responded.
"Don't tell us that you're smurfing around with 'special powers' around here, Hefty," Smurfette teased.
"HA! I don't need Empath's special powers, or even yours, Tapper!" Hefty snarled.
"Well, if you want to miss out on eternal life with the Almighty, Hefty, that's your choice," I said. "But beware, because the Lord will honor your choice when you least expect it!"
"Don't try to threaten me with your holy roller ways!" Hefty sneered. "It's not going to smurf on me!"
"I don't consider it a threat, Hefty, I consider it a warning," Smurfette said.
"Probably not the best thing to mock a God that you don't even know much about, Hefty," Empath said.
Hefty laughed. "Have fun trying to convince your fellow Smurfs, Tapper!" He then went off to a different part of the dining commons.
"Aye, Hefty's so full of himself, he thinks he's going to outsmurf all of us and never have to worry about offending your Almighty, laddie," Duncan said, overhearing the conversation.
"Nothing Hefty can do to me can stop me from loving him, ever!" I said.
"You honestly think that loving Hefty is going to smurf him into your Almighty's Kingdom?" Smurfette asked.
"I know it'll be a matter of time before Hefty will come crying to the Almighty, smurfing for his salvation," I answered. "The Almighty is patient with us, not wanting any of us to perish and for all to smurf to repentance. He will smurf Hefty as many days as He can according to His eternal plan for all beings from the smurfdation of the world."
"Are you certain that the Almighty has a plan and purpose for this smurf?" Empath asked.
"Beyond what you already smurfed for us, I believe that the Almighty isn't finished with you yet, my fellow Empath," I said.
"Whatever is on your mind, Tapper, this smurf wants you to know that you can always talk to me about it, even if this smurf may not fully understand everything that's going on with you."
"I appreciate your smurfing out for me, Empath, but I'll be fine," I said. "I have the Almighty smurfing over me, because the Psalmist says whoever smurfs in the secret place of the Most High shall asmurf under the shadow of the Almighty."
Smurf to Part 2